Thursday, December 10, 2009
On a hot summer night of 2008, I was sitting on my wooden floor melodramatically asking "Why me? "What was I thinking? How could I be soooo bllliiiiind! That mothaflower got me with his lies!!!"
Or did he?
This piece of work is one of my favorites because I was breaking up. I was breaking up with a person, but most importantly, with my old self. Not only was I unaware of my patience to tear up bits of pieces of magazine paper, mod podging (gluing) tiny pieces to a soft piece of cardboard, but I also didn't realize that I wanted to change. For a long time, I had the deepest desire to change, but being the prideful Haitian that I am, thought that I was never wrong, "I'm always right" and was already in my superior form. I was lying to myself.
Somewhere inside, I was ashamed of my actions yet ignored all the red flags because it was easier to play the victim.
Ring a ling ling "Girl oh you would not believe what happened to me this time. I sure pick them right. I always attract sons of bleeps, horse sh it and butt wipes." The same story told. I was merely 22 and my heart or soul, (not sure which) felt beat down, run down, chopped up, and getting tired. I was tired of putting myself in the same plot with different characters, but never asked myself, "what are you doing? why are you doing this to yourself? when was the last time you respected and forgave yourself?"
So in my deepest thoughts, this art piece was created. It was totally uncalculated. I remember listening to music, sitting in a corner surrounded with magazines, a marker, pencil, mod podge, and a paintbrush for the mod podge. I believe it took 3 days to finish but apart from that, when I was done, I took a look at it and realized that I finished a puzzle. Every single piece fit just right and made sense to me. I wanted to break away from old bad habits/patterns and that's exactly what I expressed.
The truth was knocking, but at that time, I told it to go away because I was afraid to change. It was after an end of another fantasy chase where I said "Hello! Welcome! Please come in!" to the truth. So at first I named it "Peace" because it looked peaceful to me, but this year I changed it to "I & I" because it was time for me to keep it Irie. I respect I eternally. That is my hidden superior form and that's what I wanted to portray.
Even though this piece is oh so très personal, I think a lot of people can relate. At some point in your life, you want to, or you'll want to, break away from fear, false assumptions about yourself, and live in your superior noble form.
There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. ~Hindustani Proverb
P.S. This is my first art entry kudos to me!