From an Old Woman to a Young Woman

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Whilst prying through other writers' blog, I picked up on this post called From an Old Woman to a Young Woman. Making its first appearance on craigslist, (who knew that craigslist could also be a place of providing ingenuous yet sardonic tips), this list of wisdom definitely hit home. Last night, I received a phone call from a young woman/friend who's in her last year of college, reporting about the lack of respect young college women have for themselves. It agonizes me to hear about women who stays in toxic relationships because they believe it's the best that they can do.

If a basketball or football player or a popular good looking dude, is willing to f*ck me, then that must mean I'm special.

They're afraid to be alone, in solitude, with themselves, and rather be disrespected in order to prove to themselves that someone is willing to be with them, even if they're just merely pussy.

It's totally a SMH (shaking my head) moment, but I can sympathize.

I can only make reference to my Haitian culture, but I sympathize because a lot of young women grow up with parents or guardians who are afraid to talk about sex. They'll say "Stay away from that guy, he's a vagabon!" without explaining who or what is a vagabon and how to determine if one belongs to that division. Haitian women have this way of being the victim and not realizing that a dude will treat you poorly if you let them do so (been there, done that, erased it from my DNA). If women were willing to speak up, demand respect, show that they love themselves, and told meat shoppers to keep it moving, Ooo Wii, it would be a different game.

Every young women (especially college women) should N.B. this list because so many of them are lost and suffering silently...

P.S. Vagabon means womanizer, dog, playa, meat shopper, you get my drift

From an Old Woman to a Young Woman

1. You are not a victim. No matter what happens to you, don’t take the pussy route and blame the world for your misfortune. If you were sexually assaulted, verbally abused, etc and lived to tell about it; take your pain and help those who need it. Writing emo poetry isn’t going to solve anything.

2. Invest in your education first, your looks second. Anyone can pay a plastic surgeon to look hot, but not everyone can read a book and do simple math.

3. No matter what you call it, having a ‘man to take you shopping’ is glorified prostitution. He wants you for your body, you want him for his wallet. Cut the crap and call it what it is.

4. Do not seek confidence in other people. Magazines, celebrities and most pop influences are there to make you feel like you’re nothing. Don’t buy into it. Those celebrities need your money to look fabulous. Invest in yourself, not hype.

5. Stop fueling gossip mongers [Perez Hilton, TMZ.]. They have nothing to talk about and if you follow them for long, neither will you.

6. Be modest; why have all your goods unwrapped and leave nothing for the imagination?

7. Know the difference between fucking and love. There is a major difference and if you don’t know it, pick up a book or ask someone who does.

8. Do not have children just because you’re lonely or insecure. Your child will end up hating you for it and you won’t get the emotional blanket you hoped you’d get.

9. Get a job. Seriously. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean that you are excused from work. Find a trade, get a job. If you are a house wife, be a good one. If you are a career woman, put your heart into what you do.

10. A respectable companion is rarely at a ‘bar’ or da club’. These places are meat markets and will only set you up for a douchebag or a wimp. If you go, refer to rule 7.

11. Learn to cook. Cooking is a dying skill that needs not be. You’d be surprise how much weight you lose and how you can get a decent companion if you know more than picking up a phone and calling for dinner.

12. Get off your phone. If it’s not your best friend, your job or your family, your cackling is not important and the rest of the world does not want to hear it. Listen more. Talk less.

13. Stop putting so much of your money into things [purses, shoes, make up] and start putting it into a savings account, a 401k or an IRA. Those shoes are not going to vest when you turn 65.

14. Stop using men to get you stuff. Have some self respect and buy your own drinks, meals and entertainment. A date will respect you more if you show them you are not helpless.

15. Perfume and baby powder does not make up for good hygiene. Shower, do your laundry, clean your place. Body odor is not excusable for either genders.

16. Buy clothes that fit. Be tasteful with your clothing be you big or small.

17. Don’t eat for comfort, vomit to make yourself beautiful, and starve yourself to feel loved. Exercise, be sensible with your food choices, don’t deprive yourself but never eat too much. The quickest way to a size 30, and to the grave, is past your teeth.

18. If they say the I love you, ask them to earn your heart through good deeds, genuine kindness and respect.

19. Romance is not dead; but if you’re not willing to give it, don’t expect it in return.

20. Stop being a bitch to other women and other people. If you are not happy, go get therapy. No one deserves to be berated because you don’t have the guts to berate yourself.

21. Do something new every day. Pole dance to learn about your sensuality, paint to express your creativity, write a blog to express your soul. Evolve and never stop learning.

22. Look in the mirror everyday and smile at what you see.

23. Stay safe. Learn to defend yourself against one or multiple attackers. Jackals do not attack if they see a big stick. If all else fails, run. There is no shame in running if it keeps you safe.

24. Love yourself. Always. When you love yourself to the fullest, the world will open with opportunities

Dying hair with indigo & henna

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

So I've been wanting to dye my hair midnight blue for 5 years now. I want my hair to appear jet black but glints of blue showing in the sunlight. I never tried dying my hair before because I was always afraid of hair breakage. I stalk loc wearers on youtube and hear a lot of people talking about Henna. The curious bee that I am, googled it and OMG, this stuff is prefect! Henna makes your hair red but if you mix it with indigo, it makes in black. So in short, I'm dying my hair with henna and indigo in order to get that blue black effect.

Check the website below for more information about Henna and Indigo.

TaTa for now!

4 months loc update

Monday, November 16, 2009
Four months and lots of progress


P.S. I am no longer a product junkie. I only use Aloe Vera gel for re-twist, Tea Tree shampoo to remove pass build up from that Jamaican Creme Wax I used (yea I still have build up from that stuff), and Africa's Best Herbal Oil in my water spritz bottle.

c'est tout

Imagine a Woman

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Imagine a Woman I

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.
Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

Imagine a Woman II

Imagine a woman who is interested in her own life.
A woman who embraces her life as teacher, healer, and challenge.
Who is grateful for the ordinary moments of beauty and grace.

Imagine a woman who participates in her own life.
A woman who meets each challenge with creativity.
Who takes action on her own behalf with clarity and strength.

Imagine a woman who has crafted a fully-formed solitude.
A woman who is available to herself.
Who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to respect her solitude.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the full range of human emotion.
A woman who expresses her feelings clearly and directly.
Who allows them to pass through her as naturally as the breath.

Imagine a woman who tells the truth.
A woman who trusts her experience of the world and expresses it.
Who refuses to defer to the thoughts, perceptions, and responses of others.

Imagine a woman who follows her creative impulses.
A woman who produces original creations.
Who refuses to color inside someone else lines.

Imagine a woman who has relinquished the desire for intellectual safety and approval.
A woman who makes a powerful statement with every action she takes.
Who asserts to herself the right to reorder the world.

Imagine a woman who has grown in knowledge and love of herself.
A woman who has vowed faithfulness to her own life.
Who remains loyal to herself. Regardless.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

-Patricia Lynn Reilly

What a Woman Must Do


Until you walk, run, fight a mile in her shoes
Don't you dare stand in front of me and tell me
What a woman must do
Until you have walked, run, fought a mile in her shoes
Don't you dare stand in front of me and tell me

What a woman must do
What a woman must do

She must
Swing from chandeliers for undeserving spouses and paramours
Who deny her suffrage by day, but crave and praise her womanly wiles by
Good enough to fuck but, not good enough to vote
She must
Go from the beauty of Africa, to the horrors of massa
Go from titties dangling bare and shameless
To being branded, licentious, temptress, embarrassed
Go from land of yams and heat hot
To land of cash crops and sellers block
Go… from God names, to no name, to his names
Go… from God names, to no name, to his names
Now Black
Now inhuman
Freedom stolen, family stolen, now beholden… but still golden
Field hollerin'… and Ain't I A Woman
Ain't I A Woman

I can see her, me
Washing dishes, clothes, and children
Making love, money, dinner, and beds
Always the first one off a sinking ship
But last in the line to receive respect

What a
What a woman
What a woman must
What a woman must do
What a woman must do
What a woman must do
Must do
Must do, must do, must do, must do, must do…

She must
Wipe away tears and reclaim strength
After rape, abortion, lover's betrayal, child's birth, child's death,
husband's abuse
Tricking to buy baby shoes
She must
Be called a muse
Which is just a synonym for use
Put upon pedestals
Dainty and protected
And because of that disrespected
Made a paradox of famous anonymity
Left to go insane with too much femininity
Staring at yellow wallpaper

Her heart
Her legs
Warm and welcoming
Waiting… for phone calls that never come
Waiting… for words of appreciation that never come
Waiting… for equal pay that never comes

Waiting, waiting, waiting
Waiting, waiting, waiting

Waiting for love
Waiting for acknowledgment not judgment

And when seeking or achieving any kind of power
Reduced to labels like…

Concubine. Cunt. Bitch. Whore. Stunt. Witch. Dyke
Concubine. Cunt. Bitch. Whore. Stunt. Witch. Dyke

What a
What a woman
What a
What a woman must
What a woman must
What a woman must do
What a woman must do

She must
Never settle for less based upon her womaness
Embrace the pronoun and power of SHE
Know if nothing else that her uniqueness is blessed
And a necessary component in the union between universe and people
Equal to man
At times above human understanding
She don't have to lay down for nothing or nobody
Her body in and out a wonder
The wonder of SHE

The wonder of SHE


Thursday, November 5, 2009

I've been thinking about love lately. Not the love between a man and a woman or any of the other arrangements with those two words, but a love between a mother and child. I'm not sure what triggered this sudden urge to procreate, but for some reason I feel ready to have a child. I'm not even thinking about falling in love with my fairy tale beau and walking down the aisle, I strictly want to have a child. No need to be alarm. I'm still living in my right mind and I'm not expecting nor planning on having a baby anytime soon, but I feel ready for one. Obviously I'm not financially prepared, but emotionally I am. Now, I'm no Freud or Mr. Carl Jung, but I think this sudden urge is an affirmation that I'm ready to experience being in love.

I'm 23 years old and can't say I've been in a relationship, let alone in love. I shared my companionship, experienced the why am I heartbroken when it was never even official pain, cried in solitude, and left bizarre relationships feeling empty, misunderstood, with a whole lot of unsolved issues. I don't know why, but when it comes to liaison with men, I either wear my "call me ice queen" mask, or my "let me show you I'm the wifey type" facade. I was soooo bad at playing these different characters that I thought would make a man accept or love me. What I never knew was that it wasn't because I was unsuitable for a man to love me, but it was because I wasn't giving MYSELF the love that I internally sketched. I'm assuming that a lot of this internal tumult has to do with my father who took an absentee for 23 years and my mother who emotionally check out for as long as I can remember. Thus, I never recognized love in my inchoate stages of life. The only time I feel parental love, is by the intangible yet sensible force of mother God. Clearly I have abandonment issues, but little by little, this feeling is faintly lingering behind like shadows.

I don't know exactly when this transformation started, but gradually I'm accepting all the craziness and F-ed up biznis and finding more humor and less dramas in my life. And it's not the hysterical repressed self defense mechanism approach, it's the, I love me and ready to share who I truly am with others, armor. I can honestly say that self-love is the dope-est feeling ever. I'm to a point where if someone tried to insult and denigrate me, I would laugh and say "may peace be with you" and pray for them. Yet withal these proclamations, I'm very aware that I'm not quite ready to enter a relationship. Although I got rid of the biggest load of crap I believed about myself, I still have some wiping and dusting to do. My celestial soul that was always hiding behind eclipses is ready to gleam. I'm ready to share my past, pain, and fear to a man and let him see the painting of my soul. I'm ready to hold a child in my arms and make them feel loved, cherished, and respected.

I'm not sure how to end this oh so personal composition, but what I can say it that I'm truly and strongly happy with who I am.