Yesterday I Cried

Saturday, May 7, 2011
Yesterday, I cried. 
I came home, went straight to my room, 
sat on the edge of my bed, 
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, 
and I had myself a good cry. 
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale. 
I cried until my ears were hot. 
I cried until my head was hurting so bad 
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet. 
I want you to understand, 
I had myself a really good cry yesterday. 

Yesterday, I cried, 
for all the days that I was too busy, 
or too tired, or too mad to cry. 
I cried for all the days, and all the ways, 
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, 
and disconnected my Self from myself, 
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others 
did to me the same things I had already done to myself. 
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen; 
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up; 
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away, 
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty, 
and battered and plain old used. 
I cried because there really does come a time when 
the only thing left for you to do is cry. 

Yesterday, I cried. 
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies; 
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies; 
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave; 
and mommies get left, so they get mad. 
I cried because I had a little boy, 
and because I was a little girl, 
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do, 
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached. 

Yesterday, I cried. 
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt. 
I cried because hurt has no place to go 
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place, 
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up. 
I cried because it was too late. 
I cried because it was time. 
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know 
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know. 
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good. 
It felt so very, very bad. 
In the midst of my crying, 
I felt my freedom coming, 

Yesterday, I cried 
with an agenda

-Iyanla Vanzant


Alicia said...

I felt that one.