"Unconscious"

Friday, April 23, 2010

I created this piece when I was unconscious...

I don't get sick often, actually I rarely get sick.

Back in 2007, there were these flyer's circulating on campus suggesting that we all get a flu shot. Since I rarely get sick I don't know what motivated me to do so, but I took the flu shot and never had I ever been so sick in my either life until I took that flu shot. I stayed in my dorm room for an entire week with no food, money, or phone to call my momma.
I was a broke college student.
I was so sick, that my roommate decided to "move out" for that particular week and well I don't blame her. I had no phone, no money, no food, no energy, couldn't move, and no voice.

Luckily I had friends who noticed I've been missing for quite some time. Five of them banged on my door screaming my name frantically and asked my RA and hall mates if they've seen me. It took a good 20 minutes to get up and let them in (lack of energy). When I opened the door, they screamed as if they've seen crypt keeper's spawn and quickly went to the campus's convenient store to buy me some medicine. They came back with Sudafed, Zicam, Alka Seltzer, Nyquil, Dayquil, and masks.


I don't know which one of those FDA approved drugs knocked me out, I'm sure it was Sudafed but I hallucinated. I started creating cinemas EN VIVO, LIVE, in my mind, but it all felt and seemed real. I was told I walked down the hallway talking to imaginary people, took a stroll in the men's restroom, ahhh I was a complete mess.

The next morning I woke up feeling much better. Praise the Lord for sending over my dear friends! I was cold though. I looked around and realized that in my FDA approved drugs state of mind, I decided to abandon my bed and sleep on the freezing floor. I also decided I wanted to paint and voila! "Unconscious".

I don't remember doing any of this AT ALL and that's why I call it "unconscious" because I have no clue when this came about and what it meant. The only clue my unconsciousness provided me, were the medium I used, and proof that I in fact drew this, (since my signature was on it and my hands were stained with pastel). Based on what was resting on the floor besides me, I crushed soft pastel to make it turn into watercolor. That's all I could decipher. Actually I'm lying. I knew what it meant. There used to be sentences and words surrounding the subject, but I quickly painted over them in black ink because I was so insecure back then, and didn't want anyone to read them.

Now, I wish I left the words and sentences intact...

I rarely share this piece because my unconscious part of my psyche wanted to express itself, and I felt the need to protect it. I'm a totally different person now...and after 3 years locked in my hiding space, I present you once again "Unconscious".

3 comments:

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♑ Makara said...

I really like this piece. The story behind it is amazing (as bizarre as it is), and gives a great context for the artwork. Even the blacking out of some parts of it works to add dimension to the piece...I guess to someone like me it does, anyway, because of the symbology involved. We black things out of our unconscious that we don't want to acknowledge and I find it interesting that you felt compelled to do literally do that here.

T'arr.a said...

True. Sometimes I wonder if the reaction would be the same if I didn't black out the words. I wonder if it would have added a deeper meaning to the piece...