"Be an Outcast"

Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Since I'm on an "Imma Be" me streak, allow me to explain the stories with these 4 drawings.

"Afro Disqo"

I really love this one because it just came at of nowhere. I sat outside under the sun with my sketchpad, pencil, charcoal, oil pastel, and escaped for an hour. I love afros, LOVE EM. I called it "Afro Disqo" because Afros remind me of disco balls.  I drew this out of admiration for Afros. C'est tout. I loved it so much that I decided to show it to two of my friends. big mistake. These two friends started designing plans for me saying I should join in on a business plan with them to sell t-shirts and paintings, the other asked me what I was planning on doing with my talent. I said I want to move to a more artsy city in order meet other artists and grow.
-"Oh no you shouldn't move. umm umm. You could be the exceptional artist from Boston and turn this place around."

One of them asked me to draw a painting for him. The other said no she's my business partner now so everything should be discussed through me.

TESTING testing I'm still here

So these two friends envisioned a plan for me and I started thinking deeply about what they were saying and became utterly confused.
-"So T you're gonna draw something for me so I could put in my office?"
-"Yea sure whatever..."

I came up with "Divizyon" which means division.
I drew something I thought he would like, and didn't realize that my subconscious was telling me that I was dividing myself by allowing people to guide me...

He didn't like it.

I was in my puerile state of mind wanting to impress a customer? and quickly said okay I'll draw another one. This time I came up with "Fenix" but now I realize it should be called "introspection/wake up" because at that time, I didn't have enough ovaries to make decisions of my own, missed the red flags screaming "Stop doing things for people", and wasn't exercising my rights to free will.

He still didn't like it and this time I took in personally and said fuck it.

Another friend came along asked me to draw something for her and I came up with "Ble" Blue. mmmmmmmmmm
She didn't like it. I took it personally again and this was the last painting I drew before my block.

Whatever I was putting down on paper, were really messages I was receiving from my soul. I wasn't being my self anymore and made the mistake of listening to others and getting caught up. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm not putting any blames on anyone but myself. I can only take responsibility for how I let friends and others influence me...

If you had asked a few months ago, what were the inspiration behind these pieces, I wouldn't know. But now that I'm focused on what I want to accomplish, everything is making sense again.

I share these personal stories because I know everyone can relate. Everyone has a special talent. Whatever it is we all have purposes. Some choose to make a living out of their gifts/talents, others don't; which is all okay. As long as your decisions are your own. As for me, my art is my own personal experience. My story. I made the mistake of caring what people thought of them and tried to be "in". I've never studied art so how the hell would I even know the inside of the art world. I can only share what I feel and see, nothing more.

So the best advice that I can give, is to stop listening to what people, be still, and listen to yourself. We're all trying to figuring out this thing called life.


Don't let people tell you what you ought to be doing because only you know thyself. And if you don't know yourself, then start getting to know who you are...

free-forming in spirit