Real Talk

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

 I've been trying so hard to stay away from blogging about this, but it's always in my face so here it goes. I've been stumbling upon a lot of blogs, articles, magazines about black men dating outside of their race, black women saying there's a shortage of good black men, black men taking trips to Brazil, Dominican Republican, now Europe Sweden I see you for see where I'm going with this? Yes, relationships in the black community is somewhat of the hot topic. But you know what though, I want to talk about what lies beneath it all. What's the real deal. Since I can't really write about the issues with black men, I'll write about what I'm knowledgeable about: black women with daddy issues.
Nobody really want to talk about this, but a lot of us are walking around with our daddy issues carry-on luggage and dragging it within relationships after relationships, never acknowledging that there's a problem. Sometimes I blame the media because frequent themes is how detrimental it is for a young man to grow up without his father, well same goes for young women too Time Warner and Viacom!!!
There's that usual assumption that women know how to be in relationships or deal with men. But if their fathers never played a role in their lives, you really think we know what the hell we're suppose to be doing in relationships? Black women are worried about black men leaving us for other races, "they taking all the good black men", you know what, cut the crap. Does it really matter if Tyrone decides to date Becky or Mae Lin. What we really need to be worried about, is our we plan on raising solid families for future generations. We need to work together and break the cycle of absentee parents ladies and gents. Maybe it's time that we find the origins to our issues and stop believing the lies that we (black women) are not good enough. Or that since there's a shortage, we need to hold on tight to the ass-clowns who pays attention to us and settle, even when they're treating you as if you're a piece of gum stuck under their shoes.

I firmly believe that the way a woman interacts with her father shapes their relationship with men (period). Take a look at your relationship with your father and then compare it to all your relationships with men, can you see the uh oh? We all have our issues; issues that goes way back to slavery. You have men out there whose mission is to destroy women in order to fulfill their insecurities, and women are just plain lost, confused, and hopeless. I don't know the solution, I really don't. I don't know how to make black women who's been abandoned by her father to trust men. I don't know how to show or teach women to communicate with men. What I do know is that we really need to work on ourselves and our issues. I know women who believe that they have no issues and that it's THEM, the brothers...they're the one who needs fixing. Well listen up, we ALL need fixing. We all need to start loving ourselves, knowing our worth, and knowing who we are.
We black women need to take care of ourselves spiritually, psychologically, mentally, and physically. Believe it or not, but a lot of us need guidance and are ill-equipped to deal with black men. If you're broken, damaged, and incomplete due to your familial background, don't you think you'll bring all of that into a relationship? I myself battle with the whole, "forgive your fathers/parents" because I was never told how exactly to forgive. I do know though, that someday I would like to be so comfortable and accepting of ALL of me and be wholesome, in order to attract another completed person.
Honestly, we're both (black men and women) looking for support from one another and not getting it because we don't trust each other. We're confused, we're impatient, we're hurt, and we're not communicating. All we can do is overstand our foundation, work on ourselves, and choose carefully.
 We all need to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery if you want to see some changes regarding relationships in the black community. It's really not as abstract as it seems. We have too much pride and don't want to sit down and talk about our fears, hurt, insecurities, and confusions with each other.Yea it makes us vulnerable and exposes our true selves, but maybe that's what we need....