I’m the master of me and my own voice

Monday, March 1, 2010
I may perhaps be the most indecisive, wavering individual, who's landed on Earth. I challenge myself and sometimes others whenever I have the delightful chance. One of my personal goals for this year, was to find the root of my oscillating, capricious nature and I did. At first, I settled with the thought that my astrology was the cause. "Capricorn comes from capricious so guess that's why I can never make up my mind". Umph. Yeah. Right. I was proven wrong when I met several other Capricorns who do not describe themselves as moody and indecisive and yes I am ridiculous for even refering to my astrology to explain Me.

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about things I want to accomplish in 2010, one being to start producing art again, and upgrading to using canvases and paintbrushes. I've been using charcoal and oil pastel for so long and figured that if I want to take my art seriously, I should use more marketable and rich mediums. I have all the new materials collecting dust in the basement, because I'm not inspired. 
I blogged about my "artist block" many times and like I said earlier, I finally found the root to my indecisiveness and "block". I was never listening to my own voice and let other people's opinions steer me on the path that they sought out for me. Let me give y'all some background info.

Art has always been a hobby to me. It's just my way of putting my thoughts on paper and releasing emotions. I've been drawing at the age of 4, and it always made me happy and feel aligned and connected to beautiful thangs, especially music. My senior year of High School, my art teacher asked me what I was going to study in college, and at that time I had no clue. I was simply going to college because that's what I was told to do. He said to me, "Well listen. I think you're extremely talented and you have a lot of potential to be a great artist. Now, don't think I'm telling you what to do, but your purpose may just be in the art industry. Just always remember that art is a powerful tool." Honestly, I thought he was high and didn't pay any attention to what he said, but I kept his statement in mind.
After graduating from High School, I didn't draw for 2 years straight and felt lost and confused. Junior year of college, I decided to take a drawing class just for fun, and felt aligned again. I hung up all my drawings on my dorm wall and my friends were wowed because they never knew that I loved drawing. Some suggested I put them on facebook. I did. Some asked me to draw portraits of them. I did and never accepted money from those who offered. Little did I know, that I was the beginning where I started doing things for the sake of other people.
After college, friends and family members who felt like I could do something with my talent, pressured, yes pressured, me into selling my artwork. "Tarra you could make T-shirts, sell them online, you could be big man. You could help Haiti. People like art. Just do it man. Get your Masters in Arts.You can be rich and gain fame..."  blah blah blah blah blah. So I starting doing a little something that I thought was thinking, and followed people's suggestions. With no plan, message, or distinct style, I posted my work on different websites for sale, had a zazzle account, made business cards, and created a facebook fan page name Lu'maYna. After I did all of this, I couldn't draw anymore because I lost myself in the process. Nothing made sense anymore and I became morbidly indecisive because I was drawing things that I thought people would like to see.

My friends and family mean well. They really do. But only I understand and know my own tempo. I ignored my own voice and forgot that in order to get my thoughts together, I must follow a slow and steady pace. Where am I going with all of this?
Well, I'm deleting my imagekind, carbonmade, artbreak, and facebook fan page account. I'm not ready to expose myself and I know I have more potential than what is seen.
It's personal. 
I'm no longer letting people rent space in my mind and control my actions.

I create art because I like to share my thoughts. Art helps me breath better. If I don't master my own voice and purpose, I'll forever be mediocre and complacent. When I'm ready, transformed, and internally aligned, I will be back with my own website, new fan page (T'arr.a Lu), and more mature material. In the meantime, I'll continue blogging on my process and prepare myself for bigger exposure in a new city, (Chicago or NYC), and taking more chances. 

Art is that deep.
I take my shit seriously.

For those who support me, thank you. My blog will stay intact and I will continue documenting my growth as an artist...

 For those who think I'm making a huge mistake...