When "I do" becomes, I wish I didn't

Tuesday, February 16, 2010
"When 'I do' becomes, I wish I didn't" was one of the posters I saw in one of Chicago's train. It was an advertisement from a divorce law office, looking to help those in a long, pricey, and draining process. I nudged my friend and pointed to the poster, and we both laughed. We didn't laugh because of the cleverness of the ad nor were we laughing at the comic figures of the groom and bride with paper bags covering their heads. We laughed because the subject matter: marriage, was a recurring topic for the weekend.

"So when do you plan on getting married?" my old college friend asked my friend and me while sipping on martinis in a small cozy bar in Chicago. My friend replied that she doesn't believe in marriage and that its only a paper, while I explained, "I myself don't believe in marriage, but I will only marry someone if I plan of having children with them." It's the current thought that's been streaming in my mind during my quarter-life crisis stage. Personally, I say I would want a husband and not a baby-daddy, for fear of having my probable future child to experience the negativity that I myself experienced from growing up in a single parent household, but also because of fear of dealing with the gossips and lack of respect from my family and perhaps friends.
So what is the real reason behind marriage?      

Is it love?
what if love fades away?
Is it religion?
Is it for the tax break?
I heard those were lovely...
Is it for financial security?
Legal benefits?
green card? Is it for the social acceptance?
Can I get a witness for my life!Is it to avoid loneliness and have a sense of belongingness?
guiltless Sex?
How often to you find happily married couples?
Obligation to their family?

Or is it because people assume that marriage equals commitment and never realizes that it's not guaranteed.
Or is it because they don't know that commitment can exist without being married and the reverse rarely works.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against marriage, and power to the people who knows how to make one work (I truly admire you) but with the sky rocket divorce rate, I want to know what's the motive behind marriage for some. As I mentioned before, if anyone ever hears that I got married, it's because I love that person enough to want to bear children with him and see him as a good male figure. But my honest true motive is because, even if marriage does not work between me and that guy, it makes me feel secure enough to remind that guy their duties of being a father and working together as parents despite our differences. However, couldn't that still happen even if we were never married with children?
So maybe I want to live my fantasy dream of having a complete family through my probable future children and would marry for the wrong reason. Nothing is guaranteed, so should I leave all my expectations behind, or am I right for calculating my reasons to get married for my probable future children?

As I'm getting older and surrounded by friends my age who are tying the knot, I want to be able to know if I have the right idea about marriage. Since I was 14, I've always said I don't believe in marriage simple because I've witness people make a mockery out of their vows. It always seemed to me that some people assumed that marriage holds hands with happiness. Obviously that's not always accurate. I also see unhappy couples stay together for their children sakes, and live a long miserable life. What scares me the most, are the women who remains in an abusive marriage because they don't believe in divorce and so on and so forth.

Now I wonder, is marriage still a relevant custom in today's society?