Emotions on paper

Thursday, August 13, 2009
Lately I've been painting a lot and feel real good mmm mmmm. It all started when this woman from Chi-Town saw my art work on myspace and asked me to do an interpretation of her daughter. My friends and few family members were the only folks who would compliment me and encourage me to continue painting so I was shocked when a complete stranger saw that thang in my art. I always felt like an amateur due to the fact that I do not have a degree in Art. I've been drawing since I was 4 years old, took two art classes in High School, and one course in College. Thus I considered myself a dilettante rather than an artist, and never even thought about sharing my artwork with others, until my Art teachers and English professor told me that I was being selfish.

How am I being selfish with my own hobby?

Is what I thought.

Recently I learned that what I do is not merely a hobby. I paint when I feel inspired, I paint when I need self-therapy, I paint when I want to give birth to an untold story, I paint when I can't express myself vocally, I paint when I'm in love, I paint to portray that being Black and natural is sexy, and I paint because it makes me feel alive. Not exposing myself to others was a selfish move because it's a gift that the Creator gave me. I discovered my talent at a young age but wasn't mature enough to know that it was my identity; my purpose.

However, I wish I was confident enough to be a full time Artist and join with other Black Artists who are continuing the Black=Beautiful revolution. But I'm still living in fear. I'm worried that I won't be able to make ends meet. I know that I'm on purpose when I paint because I feel that buzz, that electricity, that's telling me that this is what I should be doing, but I'm still conflicted.

My other mother, Maya Angelou says:

Don't make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and do them so well that people can't take their eyes off you. All the other tangible rewards will come as a result.
~Maya Angelou

I feel her and know exactly what she means, but how do I market myself is the question that remains.

I guess all I can do is trust God...