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6 months loc update

6 months was Jan 19th but like I said. I'm late.

Half a year...

 The hair is touching the neck already! Everyone keeps asking me if I using something to make my hair grow faster. Like Wild Growth or some special butter...The answer is the power of simplicity...

 

 

 

Me and the locs endured a lot. I self maintain them and learned that patience is essential. I don't even care about the fuzzs anymore because I realized it's a part of the process. As you can see, they're starting to fatten up and getting fuller. Now I only re-twist them ever 3 weeks. I'm trying to re-twist them once a month from now on. I still keep my hair regimen simple. I use tea tree shampoo, shea butter moisturizer, aloe vera gel and vitamin E oil. My hair feels so much healthier and softer. I started using Grapeseed oil and so far me like...This is the best decision I've ever made.

Coldest Winter Ever

I

When I say I'm late. I'm real late. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to reading epic books and watching legendary movies. "Gone with the wind" "Dirty Dancing", never seen them. "Da Vinci Code" Dan Brown, "People's History of United States" Howard Zinn, haven't read them. yet. It never really bothered me when people told me I was missing out on good knowledge, because I was pumping knowledge in my life, elsewhere. In international books and movies. In independent films. In underground music and banned books. I thought I knew all the important things that I needed to know about this world.
WRONG!

During the holidays, I was sitting with my girls talking about books. We were on the topic of African American books and authors and I told them how I have yet to read a Zane book.
-"Fo real? You haven't read any books by Zane?"
-"No" I replied. "I don't like the way some African American authors talk about their characters. It's always about sex. For example when I go to the African American section of Borders, I see Black women pinned up against a wall, in all the book covers. Don't these authors realize they're supporting the Jezebel stereotypes and further exploiting black women as sex objects?"
-"Yea I know what you mean but there are some really good books out there even with those types of characters. Check out 'Coldest Winter Ever', you could learn something from it..."
So I did.
I went into Borders, looked for Sister Souljah and bought "Coldest Winter Ever".

I couldn't.
put.
the book.
down.

The minute I opened that book up, I was captured into Souljah's grip and into Winter Santiaga's life. Although I can't relate to her, something about it was so magical. I myself am Black, but I was never familiar with the happenings of the ghetto.
Girls hiding razor blade inside their mouths?
Kisa?!

I know about the ghettos of Haiti and other islands, but not America's. I was duped yet enlightened. Excellent book. It had me questioning my own position and class. It had me asking myself how would a girl like Winter describe me and why? It had me wondering why material things were far more important than education to her? Everything was about control. What I love most about this book is that it took no shortcuts and did not switch it around into a perfect Hollywood ending.
It was raw.
It showed you the rawness of reality.
I caught myself judging Winter and her decisions, forgetting about motives and the environment she grew up in; yet, wishing I were in her shoes living the glamorous life and getting all the attention.
I caught myself dreaming about having a father like Ricky Santiaga, showering me with material things and calling me the prettiest girl in the world, without wondering why in the beginning I idolized this man and automatically crippled this good father image once he got caught.
It's funny how money change a situation...
I caught myself wonder if Mrs. Santiaga was right about womanhood and that beautiful women are suppose to be taken care of and that being her definition of a bad bitch meant you was a real woman. I completely forgot that she gave birth at 14 years old and never developed as a woman. I also didn't pay attention that she didn't have a name in the novel. She had no identity. She was just Mrs. Santiaga, Ricky Santiaga's property...

When Winter met the character Sister Souljah, immediately I wanted to be like Sister Souljah. I wished that I had a mentor like Sister Souljah in my teens and early 20s. She didn't have the looks like Winter, but her mind and words were so powerful and still managed to attract guys like Robert Langdon to clues, even when her legs were "super glued".
Phenomenal Woman.
Midnight was also a fantasy of mine. Not because of this good looks but because of his humility. He defied my definition of a man by showing me what real manhood is about. I'm used to insecure men who are concerned about cars, sex, and money. Not men like Midnight who values family, loyalty, and have morals. 

I was late on this book. I should have read this book years ago. It really changed my perspective on woman and manhood, and it takes a damn good book to change my world. "The Coldest Winter Ever" is not just a book, it's a damn good book. It caused me to miss my bus stop numerous times, ending up in towns that I never heard of, hopping on the wrong train, etc.

This book can help African Americans take a good look in the mirror. I recommend it to anyone who appreciates learning about different messages from another world...

Senegal offers land to Haiti

 Senegal's president says he will offer free land and "repatriation" to people affected by the earthquake in Haiti.

President Abdoulaye Wade said Haitians were sons and daughters of Africa since Haiti was founded by slaves, including some thought to be from Senegal.

"The president is offering voluntary repatriation to any Haitian that wants to return to their origin," said Mr Wade's spokesman, Mamadou Bemba Ndiaye.

Tuesday's earthquake killed tens of thousands and left many more homeless.

Buildings have been reduced to rubble, the distribution of aid is slow, and people have been flooding out of the devastated capital, Port-au-Prince.

"Senegal is ready to offer them parcels of land - even an entire region. It all depends on how many Haitians come," Mr Bemba Ndiaye said.

"If it's just a few individuals, then we will likely offer them housing or small pieces of land. If they come en masse we are ready to give them a region."

The spokesman emphasised that if a region was given, it would be in a fertile part of the country rather than in its parched deserts, the Associated Press news agency reported.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8463921.stm

My thoughts

Personally, I was elated when I heard the news. The first thought that crossed my mind was that the philosophy of Marcus Garvey was coming alive. He advocated for us Blacks to return to our homeland, Africa and now Haitians have a chance to walk on Africa's soil. I never been to Africa, but always thought of it as an utopia. Maybe it's because Lion King is my favorite movie and I still sob when Simba climbs Pride Rock, but something about Africa is enticing. This proposal is crucial to take under consideration since thousands or millions are left homeless; but, if residents of Haiti don't take this opportunity, I'll understand.

Why?

Because our ancestors fought, drew blood, labored, and sweated for Haiti. Many Haitians ran away from poverty, political corruptions, lack of resources, etc, migrated to land of opportunities, North America, and never looked back. I myself haven't been to Haiti in 10 years. Although I am Haitian American, born in Brooklyn, I am still held accountable for not standing up, taking the fortunate education I gained in America, and feeding knowledge to my fellow Haitians back home. With unity, Haitians can help rebuild Haiti. 

Knock Knock. Where is the government in Haiti? 

Response. No where to be found.

For years I've been running into many Haitians in the U.S. who have plans of running for president and bringing change to Haiti's economy. If these people were truly passionate about their disclaimer, now is the time. I'm aware that it's very difficult, maybe close to impossible, to bring Haiti to a prosperous state, but I believe in hope. If Haitians continue to run away, not only will Haiti lose it's culture, but Haiti will be occupied by foreigners.

I know a lot of Haitians here in the States are not opposed to the idea of U.S. taking over Haiti, but it still hits the P-spot. The pride spot. Haiti is the first Black nation to free itself from slavery, and that means something. I do believe that Haiti needs leadership. Leaders who will serve ALL people and bring forth better education, better engineering ( appropriate infrastructure), better health and legal system. Many look towards the white man to provide leadership, but what about Haitians? Can't Haitians be leaders too? Looking down the history line, I know many of the political figures in Haiti has caused great pain and suffering, but we're resilient people, and I know someone with fundamental values will step up. 

On another hand, it doesn't seem like Haitians have other choices but to leave. Many would prefer to move to DR, U.S., or Canada but borders are tight and well I'm pretty sure y'all know about immigration laws in North America...and so on so forth. Yes North America is offering (TPS) Temporary Protected Status, but it's only covers illegal immigrants who are already here. Not the victims in Haiti. So what should Haitians in Haiti do?

a. Take up the offer to settle in Senegal

b. Migrate illegally to nearby islands.

c. Stay. Move to the rural village and help the world rebuild or build back better the capital and areas severely affected.

 I pick (c) because the bottom line is that this is Haiti's chance to have a productive future. Haitians in Haiti need to focus on building themselves agriculturally. Help bring the farming sector into the 21st century.

I'm no expert so I'll keep my opinions at a minimum, but I'm still an observer and descendant who has the best interest in mind...

Ayiti

Distraught. Shock. Worrisome. in Daze. stress. Are some of the words that describes what Haitians are experiencing right now. As a Haitian-American, I must say, I still cannot believe what just happened to Haiti. Although I haven't been there in 10 years, memories are vivid. As I sit and watch the disaster, I think about my grandfather, relatives, friends, and my 13 year old god daughter. My story is no different than anyone else, nor is it more important. We are all experiencing the same pain that Haiti is in. What shook me the most was when Rene Preval, president of Haiti said he himself was homeless. Haiti's government is no where to be found and our leader, Preval, shows signs of despair. If you ask me, he looked drunk and ready to skip town. There's no communication, all we have are footage on CNN. As I watch my family sitting down near the phones drinking poro tea (tea that brings down your blood pressure), tearing up from time to time, I feel helpless and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to feel. It scares me to know that thousands of Haiti's worse inmates escaped once the prison collapsed. There's a shortage of food and water and I know people will start bathing in the river as well as drinking from it. It scares me to think of diseases spreading from dead bodies and through rivers. Homeless people are sleeping on Chanmas, the place known for traditional kanavals.

Not sure if Haiti will ever be the same after this. It's like we've been wiped out. I still go to bed thinking if I've been dreaming. Apparently I'm not.

There are several ways of helping the people in Haiti.

Wyclef’s non-profit organization Yele is raising funds to that will go directly to the people of Haiti. Wyclef Jean is urging donors to text 'Yele' to 501501 and make a $5 contribution to the relief.



Also if you text HAITI  90999, $10 will be donated to the Red Cross. 

http://www.yele.org

http://www.unicef.org
http://www.savethechildren.org
http://www.redcross.org
http://www.worldvision.org
http://www.cnn.com

Please send aid to Haiti.

L'union fait la force

P.S. As I'm sitting at work writing this, I'm listening to a ignorant co-worker of mine saying that Haiti deserved this because of voodoo. For anyone out there who believes this non-sense, think about people of different races and cultures who've died from cancer, AIDS, car accidents, natural disasters, Asian Tsunami, Oklahoma city bombing, Katrina, 9/11, Virginia Tech, WWI, WWII, Hiroshima...Much Haitians are far more Christians than the people you find in US. Check out CNN, the people who are screaming Bondye, Jezi, are crying out to God. The people who have their hands in the air, are devoting themselves to God. And it's not because they're in a horrible situation and now looking for God, they cry out God's name since the day they were born. After the earthquake, they were singing gospel songs into the night. Know your history. Much of Haiti's and Central America's current problems go back to Reagan's economic policies. Haiti's buildings and houses weren't built for earthquakes. California has quakes all the time, but their buildings are designed for it. Voodoo caused this earthquake? Give me a break. Voodoo is done in Puerto Rico, Brazil, Dominican Republic, Africa, Jamaica, Cuba, etc. It's a religion. Religion has nothing to do with natural disaster. Learn all the ways that U.S. government has screwed over Haiti for the past 50 years instead.
Ignorance of cause and effect if you blame voodoo...

Define artist

Something has been bugging me. Usually I would store these type of thoughts in my secret vault called my journal or I'll let it rent space in my mind, culminating those things called negativity, false assumptions, fear...very  detrimental to your immune system. But since it's a new year, I've decided to share certain thoughts and frustrations with hopes that someone will say they can relate along with feedback of how to overcome the illusions. 

Side note: So I realized that my posting comment thing is not working. I don't know how to fix it so if anyone ever want to comment, please e-mail at tarra86@gmail.com or contact me via facebook. My job is boring and I love reading. So comment away...

Anyhoo. I'm not so sure it's wise of me of sharing this type of information for "business" reasons of not looking like a complete loser, but whateves. For the past 3 months, I've been contacting online magazine & blogging sites to share my artwork on their sites. Hey they said if you want to be a featured artist, please contact me via [blank] and we'll get back to you... so I collected the guts to say "why not". I won't disclosure their names but they're small and have a lot of followers, thought it would be a good way to expose myself some more. I also figured if my friends like my artwork, maybe strangers would too... Some didn't even acknowledge me but others gave me false anticipation that they would post my artwork on their blog/magazine in a few weeks. Didn't happen. 

Wait! I thought they said sure! You'll be featured in a few weeks...as she scratches her head...more like never

Instead of being bitter about it, it has me wondering what is the definition of an artist. Is my work too amateurish to be featured? Did they not have the heart to say "we're sorry but we have better artist to talk about"? Yo no se but it got me thinking a lot and has me questioning if I really have some raw talent.

Back to the definition of an artist. Today while I visited one of the blogs that said they would feature me and instead featured another artist, it got me running to google to examine techniques & talents of others, and got me looking up amateur vs. professional artist. I tripped upon a forum on about.com "When Can You Call Yourself an Artist?". I must say, the various opinions gave me hope.

• “I always point to Van Gogh who couldn't sell a painting in his lifetime and now is one of the best known artists in the world. If you read the letters he wrote to his brother, they just have an artist's soul. He talks on endlessly at one point about a particular shade of blue he saw that day. To me that's an artist. It wasn't what was in his pocket but in his heart.” -- Sue

•  “I think being an artist comes from within, like a state of mind. … an artist is anyone who can express what is going on in their head/soul through any creative medium, whether it be spoken, written, sung, played, danced, or put on canvas. It is the act of releasing and documenting thoughts and feelings that makes one an artist.” -- Thoms Minotaur

•  “An artist makes art, sees art in the world around them and, most importantly, feels art in their heart. If they sell their art or not does not matter. What matters is that they make art. If you never put it down on paper, canvas, clay or stone you only have ideas, not art. Your ideas might be brilliant but until it is tangible others cannot enjoy or appreciate your art.” -- Dianna

•  “Everyone is an artist as a child. It's when they get older and start critisizing themselves that they stop creating art. I consider myself an artist because it's what I am; not for how many paintings I've sold. Maybe that's what makes you a professional artist. ” -- Sue

•  “If you have a vision different from other people then I say you are an artist!” -- Jim 

• “Whenever the thing that is uppermost on your mind; when you get up in the morning, when you have an unoccupied moment during the day, when you can't sleep at night; is ‘What can I (create) today?’ or ‘How can I finish that (creation)and make it spectacular?’ When the passion to make that painting, photograph, drawing, sculpture, etc. never quite leaves your thought processes and is a motivating/driving force in your daily life...then you are an artist. Many of the greatest artists in history were never famous until after they died. .. It's not about selling, it's all about the passion of creating something new and beautiful! Some artists don't care to share their work with others...it's just for their own enjoyment. And true artists don't care if anyone else thinks they are good or not and they are not concerned with what anyone else thinks of their work. They are strictly in it for the pleasure of creating, and if they sell and make money that's just icing on the cake! Especially if they are still alive to enjoy the income. You decide if you are an artist and don't let anyone else tell you any different if you are one.” -- SkyRamsey

Yes indeed an artist is one who makes art. I make art thus I'm an artist. I have no formal training, but I like to explore and let my brain control my hands. Isn't that good enough? Unfortunately, I let these informal rejections stamp this block on my creativity and that's why I haven't painted anything in 6 months. My bad. So one of my goals for this year is to stop taking things so personally and thrive to be a true artist; one who doesn't care if anyone thinks I'm good or not.  So with all of this said, I'm going to stop asking people to feature me and allow myself to be as you American people say: discovered. I'll still continue to share my artwork and post "inspiration and story behind []" because I refuse to be selfish. Time for me to stop worrying about making money or if I'm marketing myself the right way, and just draw when I feel like drawing and share them.

Thanks for the support!

Dear 2009

I used to ask friends about their new year's resolution just to formulate my own. 

I was a follower.

I didn't have enough confidence in myself to believe that what I needed to work on was important or valid.  

Until this year: 2009. 

Every year once the ball drops and the clock says it's midnight, I go on my knees and pray. Despite my lack of faith during the end of 2008, I still talked to God and simply asked her to help me grow in 2009. I won't go into much details about the events that occurred, but it was strange. 

Oh yes. It. Was. Strange.

Yet, it was magical. 

So many "horrible" things happened that could have made me sell my soul to the devil, but instead I told Queen God that I was rolling with her. 
And guess what, I grew up.

One thing about growth is that if you're really serious about it, you have to realize that some people are gonna be left behind. I burned bridges with a lot of "friends" and even some family members. Not because I wanted to, but because it was necessary so that I could focus on me. 
So that I could see clearly. 
So I could be in tuned and upgraded. 
I had to dismantle the old me and reboot.   

I stopped following mainstream views and made my own visions. 

I stopped worrying about living up to friends' expectations and didn't care if they didn't like the person I was becoming. 

I stopped acting a certain way to make that boy like me and no longer waited around.  

I stopped caring if standing up for myself meant making an enemy. 

I stopped caring if that friend didn't understand what I was doing with my life or the decisions I was making.

I stopped caring if friends and family members seen locs as unattractive.

One family member said "watch, you're gonna take your locs out once you find a man." Long time ago that statement would have made me unraveling my hair in seconds, but not anymore. This time I said, "well if a guy doesn't like my hair the way it is... if they can't deal with all of this, then they could keep it moving." That family member was shock by my retort because I was clearly transforming into a woman. 

I no longer allow people to talk or treat me a certain way. You know. That way that makes you feel unappreciated, a piece of gum stuck under shoes, or even worse, a big mistake.

I also stopped caring if fighting for what was mine or making a point meant that I would be insulted or slandered. Insults are signs of weakness. You know cowardice.

 I stopped caring if people found me weird or crazy. So the F what!!! WHATEVER

And the best of all, I found a new friend. my Self. 
Maybe it sounds narcissistic but I truly understand the meaning of being bffl with your Self. 

I stay in check with my Self. 

I don't seek out for others opinions anymore, I look within.

I don't wait for someone to give me their approval, I do what I do when I want to do it.

So queen God, thank you for what you gave me in 2009.

I asked for growth, you gave me ten folds of it.

I've been blessed.

I know 2010 will be tremendously special, now that I'm rocking with 20/10 vision. 

So for the rest of the day, before I go out to shake my booty with 900 people screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR, I'm going to work on my vision board. VIPs (very important processes) for 2010. 

Peace, safety, and blessings y'all

SEE YOU IN 2010!!!

Lovely

5 months update

5 months like OMG can you believe it, I can't believe like it's unbelievable

*SCENE*

Shek it out, check out the growth



I want to do something creative with this photo...



I tinted my hair with Jazzin Bluest Black and the result: Negative.

Next time I'll try Henna with Indigo...




Styling up with the perm rods





So I fell in love with Vitamin E oil. This stuff is amazing!!! It's a miracle wonder it's fa-bu-lous

The End

IMEEM gone

So I know I'm super late on this (goes to show you how busy I've been) but today I finally had the chance to go on imeem to download some of my playlists and it directed me to myspace.
WTF!
I mean my friend told me that imeem was merging with myspace, but I was so absorded in studying for the stupid GRE test, it didn't dawn on me that I would lose all my music. This really upsets me. I was in love with imeem. It saved me from boredom. It was the only site where I can find ALL my favorite music and mixes.

*sigh*

Now I need to find something similar to imeem because I refuse to open up a myspace account

Picture of the Day

Picture speaks for itself...

Story behind "Lu'maYna"

Well...there is no inspiration behind "Lu'maYna". It's my most sold art piece, yet I can't say what drove me to draw this. I painted this Thanksgiving 2008, a day where I received some pretty bad news. I really didn't want to deal with the issue so I tuned into some Boukman Eksperyans (Haiti's prominent traditional band), grab my 18.5 x 24 inches sketchpad, pulled out some charcoal, oil pastel, and acrylics, sat on the floor for 2.5 hours painting. 

There was this little girl maybe 11 years old over my house for the holiday, and sat right next to me saying "Wow! I want to paint like you". I was in my mercurial state of mind so I didn't even acknowledge her and kept bopping to the drums.  Looking back, I regret I didn't tell her that what I do is merely out of my imagination, and that if she has any interest in art, to start exploring the textures of her own condensed sensations, and never let anyone tell her she can't make a living out of it. I'm happy to say though, that she was so moved by this piece that she asked her mother to buy her a sketchpad, paintbrushes, and paint for Christmas. So maybe it was meant for me to draw this piece to inspire a young girl whose purpose is to create her own reality/artistry. I don't know, but whenever I look at this piece, I think of her.  

The only story I can provide though, is the inspiration behind the title. At first I called it "Caribbean Goddess" because it showed that I'm a crazy Caribbean who plastered a butterfly in front of the woman's dress, hinting something sexual, a rebirth, or a metamorphosis, (these are interpretations from friends) and made it colorful and beautiful.  But I didn't like the title. I already didn't have an interesting background story and adding in a blah title like "Caribbean Goddess" didn't invoke any questions. So I called it my brush name "Lu'maYna".  

In old Haitian Creole, lumena means diva, and my favorite great aunt (R.I.P) was given this birth name. Everyone called her by her nickname, Manyi, and barely knew her real name. I don't know why, but Haitians refrain from calling a woman lumena, thus making this word scarce. So scarce that Haitian elders are shocked to hear this word come out of my mouth. I'm assuming that Lumena has some kind of negative connotation like La Celestina in Spanish, but whatever it is, I want to revive this word back into Kreyol's dictionary because it's Latin root means light, illuminate, and there's nothing negative with calling a woman light. 
I'm just saying...
Anyhoo, I changed the e and placed it with aY because I wanted the Y to represent yoni, a Sanskrit word meaning "source or origin of life", "sacred place", "sacred temple", the vulva...

Yes I'm a womanist

I used my great aunt's real name because she was my favorite person in the whole wide world. She was the most humble human being I've ever met, and she gave me hope as a kid. She was always there for me and taught me how to be humble and kind. She was my Mother Teresa, my Ghandi, cheesy but... my light when I needed it the most, and I will never forget her. Thus I call my brush name Lu'maYna in her remembrance and used this art piece as a representation of what my artwork consist of... 
the celebration of natural woman

Nota Buena

I am happy to say that I took care of all my responsibilities and now I can focus on my art. I'm officially a prospective grad applicant and so now I wait to see if I get accepted. I can feel it in my guts that Chicago would be a good move for me. I want to start my art career and be recognized as an artist. Right now, I'm working on Plan B and applying for jobs because I want to move there no matter what. The more I check out yelp and city-data talk on Chicago, I'm falling in love. If everything works out, I'll be visiting in January con una amiga. I didn't realize how time consuming and stressful it is looking for a job out-of-state. In fact I'm feeling a bit hopeless and don't think I'll ever get a job interview unless I use a Chicago address or P.O. Box. All I can do is pray and keep at it. In the meantime (I've been saying that a lot), I'll get looking for someone's basement (since I can't use mine) so I can start painting again. I have blessful friends who are giving me canvases and oil paint for Christmas and my birthday so 2010 is looking like a very good year for me, my goals, and dreams.

Poem of the Day

Be nobody's darling;
Be an outcast.
Take the contradictions
Of your life
And wrap around
You like a shawl,
To parry stones
To keep you warm.

Watch the people succumb
To madness
With ample cheer;
Let them look askance at you
And you askance reply.

Be an outcast;
Be pleased to walk alone
(Uncool)
Or line the crowded
River beds
With other impetuous
Fools.

Make a merry gathering
On the bank
Where thousands perished
For brave hurt words
They said.

Be nobody's darling;
Be an outcast.
Qualified to live
Among your dead.

~Alice Walker

Inspiration behind "Byen Vag"

When I was 11 years old, I visited my grandfather in Jeremie Haiti, and always sat on the balcony watching the street merchants strut by. My little sister was 5 at that time, and picked up some foul yet funny merchant-like language and was severely reprimanded. The O O's from the elders, echoed miles away when they heard such vulgarity coming from a 5 year old. She supposedly heard a merchant insulting someone and mimicked everything that she heard. One day my grandfather pulled my sister aside and quietly whispered, "stop talking like a san clase dirty merchant". Mind you, my grandfather is a loud mouth who's not afraid of anybody and knew if one of the street merchants heard what he said, they would have tored. him. up. figuratively and literally. I'll admit, yes merchants can say some pretty ugly things, but I think it's their righteous weapon against the elite and wannabe elite class who shows no respect to the hard working women who make up 70% of Haiti's economy.


Hence my inspiration for doing this piece came from my childhood memories of Haitian street merchants: the mother's of Ayiti Cherie. I called it "Byen Vag" (english translation: whatever, just chillin', I'm cool) because I can never forget their swagger. Although they don't wear the most fashionable clothings, or the latest Louis Vuitton, they walk down every block of Haiti's street like a glorified size zero on the runway, chanting with an unusual high pitch voice, de pou dola! de pou dola! or my utmost favorite ze bouyi bouyi bouyi ak fig mi!!!! attracting all the attention of them.

They have the magic to stop conversations and turn heads.
The Haitian Divas that comes in different shapes, sizes, and color.
They mirror the grace of elephants walking along a trail.
They walk with a certain confidence like nobody's biznis.
Phemonenal Women.
They are the lioness Queens of Haiti.

As I'm brainstorming different messages to convey in my artwork, I've decided to do more depictions of merchants but with an abstract pop art meets vintage style for year 2010 because I admire the strength and confidence of these women. They may not have a respectable status class, but they will always have my respect.




Glossary

Ayiti Cherie: Haiti my Darling
san clase: without status or low class
de pou dola: Two for a dollar
ze bouyi: boiled eggs
fig mi: riped banana

Also O O is an emotional response that you'll hear every Haitian say. It's similar to American's OMG, WTF, etc...

Story behind "ChaOs"

"ChaOs" is well chaos that happens when you don't accept your blackness. Plain and simple, that's how the name came about. I did this piece a week after "I & I", on another summer night of 2008. This piece was more of an outlet though. Releasing anger and sprinting to the one thing that I have control of, my art. This was also the time where I wanted locs.

In my brainwashed childhood stage, I was never fond of locs because I always observed and heard old Haitian women mounting their lips in disgust, doing the wouch!!! gade gade gade and sucking their teeth tchk when a loc wearer would strut by. I was always confused when the grown ups would do that because although I wasn't fond of locs during my puerile stages of development, I always saw something regal in loc-wearers. The only reason why the thought of not having locs existed, was simply because I didn't want to be an outcast amongst my Haitians.

Fast forwarding back to 2008, I started considering locing ever since Afro Costa Ricans and Panamanians told me I would look like a nubian princess if I ever decided to loc my afro. One Afro-Panamanian knitted a big rasta hat for me as a reminder of what they taught me about Rastafarian and dreadlocks. After my study abroad experience, I told my friends "I'm gonna loc my hair but not yet though" and a lot of them said "Yea right". I told my mom and she said kisa? Ou p'ale fe'w tankou rasta? hehey! and told me to do go something better with myself. So in the mist of all this frustration, I sat in my corner and mod podged magazine papers. This wasn't one of those in my trance moment though. I really thought about this one and wanted to show blackness as beautiful as possible, abstractly showing the different beliefs and thoughts surrounding blackness.

I'm thinking of doing another similar piece in the future but on a larger scale.



Glossary

wouch: eww
gade: look
kisa: what
Ou p'ale fe'w tankou rasta: You're going to look like a rasta
hehey: omg, wtf, are you kidding me

Story behind "I & I"

On a hot summer night of 2008, I was sitting on my wooden floor melodramatically asking "Why me? "What was I thinking? How could I be soooo bllliiiiind! That mothaflower got me with his lies!!!"

Or did he?

This piece of work is one of my favorites because I was breaking up. I was breaking up with a person, but most importantly, with my old self. Not only was I unaware of my patience to tear up bits of pieces of magazine paper, mod podging (gluing) tiny pieces to a soft piece of cardboard, but I also didn't realize that I wanted to change. For a long time, I had the deepest desire to change, but being the prideful Haitian that I am, thought that I was never wrong, "I'm always right" and was already in my superior form. I was lying to myself.

Ditto

Somewhere inside, I was ashamed of my actions yet ignored all the red flags because it was easier to play the victim.
Ring a ling ling "Girl oh you would not believe what happened to me this time. I sure pick them right. I always attract sons of bleeps, horse sh it and butt wipes." The same story told. I was merely 22 and my heart or soul, (not sure which) felt beat down, run down, chopped up, and getting tired. I was tired of putting myself in the same plot with different characters, but never asked myself, "what are you doing? why are you doing this to yourself? when was the last time you respected and forgave yourself?"

So in my deepest thoughts, this art piece was created. It was totally uncalculated. I remember listening to music, sitting in a corner surrounded with magazines, a marker, pencil, mod podge, and a paintbrush for the mod podge. I believe it took 3 days to finish but apart from that, when I was done, I took a look at it and realized that I finished a puzzle. Every single piece fit just right and made sense to me. I wanted to break away from old bad habits/patterns and that's exactly what I expressed.

The truth was knocking, but at that time, I told it to go away because I was afraid to change. It was after an end of another fantasy chase where I said "Hello! Welcome! Please come in!" to the truth. So at first I named it "Peace" because it looked peaceful to me, but this year I changed it to "I & I" because it was time for me to keep it Irie. I respect I eternally. That is my hidden superior form and that's what I wanted to portray.

Even though this piece is oh so très personal, I think a lot of people can relate. At some point in your life, you want to, or you'll want to, break away from fear, false assumptions about yourself, and live in your superior noble form.




There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. ~Hindustani Proverb

P.S. This is my first art entry kudos to me!

Poem of the Day

I recently discovered an island, that I never knew existed; an island where life exists in all its glory and simplicity; an island where people do live in harmony despite what the world tells us; an island where a village raises a child. I recently saw an island that I was too busy to notice; too busy being a teenager, chasing after futilities, problems that did not exist. I was too busy wanting to be American, hanging out at the hottest clubs and giving the rich money that they did not need. I recently visited an island in which I lived for 19 years, but never appreciated. I remember counting the days for me to leave to come to a land that after 6 years still does not feel like home, a land that for some after 40 years has never felt like home… I recently went to an island and saw a people that live in what some call extreme poverty; a people that wakes up every day, laughs, smiles and is able to dance for 3 days straight despite the hardships. A people where elders often live a whole century and do so being a picture of health. I recently lived in an island where I was taught to respect my elders, taught to work hard, taught to value family and friends; a place where I was taught to treat EVERYONE as an equal, no matter their social status, the color of their skin or their education level. I recently talked to an island that cried out to me because its children had forgotten about her… They left and never once looked back. It hurts her even more they act like they miss her, as if they value her by painting her on their bodies. She sees how they forget the customs and values that she fought hard to inculcate I recently listened to an island that told me how upset she was her children were unable to hold on to their culture, and favored another to hers. She was appalled that some forgot to speak her language, how so many could not whisper a French sonnet, or sing in our beautiful creole I recently was on an island who urged me to bring her children back, to do everything in my power to recruit those who truly missed her and remind them they have a home, they have a heritage that soon may no longer exist… I cannot force you to come back to Haiti, as a matter of fact I would not. I just want you to know that for 13 years, from that faithful night on August 14th, 1791 until we proclaimed our independence on January 1st 1804, our forefathers fought to give us something to be proud of, something to fight for, something to keep alive… Haiti is our country and we have a responsibility to do all we can to keep it alive and take steps every day to bring it back to what it was… LA PERLE DES ANTILLES

By~ Djimitri Celestin

Excuse me, but I didn't quite catch that. Can you repeat that again?

So, I was watching a covergirl commercial where Rihanna was the spokesperson and noticed that her Bajan accent is

well

gone

Why???

I remember when she first came out, I felt so connected with her because she had a strong Caribbean accent, and even though I'm not Bajan, I felt like she was the new young representation for us West Indians. I remember saying "alright alright she's not trying to cover up sh sh sh it". All of a sudden she's trying to emulate the Americanize accent.

The reason why I even bring this up is because whenever I watch a season of ANTM, I always get pissed off when Tyra Banks puts a person of color, or a non-American on the spot and says, "You have to work on your language as a model. You must be articulate."WTF. So if you don't have an American accent, you're not articulate? Why is it that American people can't try to understand a different enunciation. Why the conformity? Why assimilate?

Back in college I had a Taiwanese roommate who introduced herself with her American name. I said "HA Amanda huh, now what's your real name?" She told me her real name and quickly said but you can call me Amanda. I said no no no no no Imma call you by your Asian name, so please rewind so I can pronounce it correctly. What's funny though, is that most of her American friends called her by her real name (because I was the pesty roommate who had a predilection for being real and would NO her name is not Amanda it's...), however, her Asian friends called her Amanda. I asked her one day "why do you feel the need to have an Americanized name?" Her response was "back in my country, we're assigned an American name to make it easy to pronounce"

funny huh

I bet you, if she were to study in another country of color, her name would not change to Zarifa, Yaa-Asantewa or Celestina Guillermina Arelis or Ti Elize, Kiskeya, Ayida...

sigh

The point is that when non-whites or non-Americans feels pressured to assimilate, we lose our culture. We lose our uniqueness. We no longer stand out.

F assimiliation support integration

Maybe I'm too much of a black hippie who wants to connect with every and appreciate what makes us different, but I honestly feel like people should embrace every aspect of their heritage. Since English is seen as the universal language, I really wish people who conforms to the media's requirement accepted that not everyone speaks the same English. It's a damn shame that Rihanna's accent is almost gone. So what if your range tone is different! So what if you roll your Rs and speak so fast that you put sonic to shame! So what if you click when you speak! So what if your lexical tone is low mid high! Who cares about the accent. Having an accent does not mean you can't speak, or that you're not articulate.





Everyone can speak

The problem is nobody is listening

Artist's block

If could describe my self a few months ago(or even a year), I would sum it up with one word: clueless. I left college a year ago thinking that I had it all figured out. Ran into the real world with a huge smile on my very eager face and said "Now what?" It was the most difficult question I had to answer. Of course I did what most Grads do, looked for a job but it still wasn't enough for me. I'm not one to follow other people's path, but without having your own direction and guidance, it's very hard not to use someone else map. So I turned to my first love, art, and started dreaming again. I step out of myself for awhile and created. After doing a couple of pieces and shared it with friends and feisbuk friends, some asked me why am I not selling my artwork. Some even asked if I ever thought of going to school for art. It was very hard for me to take my people seriously because I still didn't believe in my abilities even though deep down I know I was made to be an artist with a message.

Although I did price some of my work, I am now experiencing a block. I feel pressured. I have no ideas. Aspiration extinct. I compared myself to other artist's, became envious of their success and recognition, took rejections personally, and paralyzed myself. I have a ton of sketches stored inside my mind and soul but can't put any on paper. My sketches are banging and clawing the walls of my brain, screaming "Tarra bring me to life! Let me breathe!", but every time I pick up that pencil, the music stops and my vision gets blurry.

A few nights ago, I went to bed and cried because I felt like I had no direction or guidance. I felt that everything that I've done was done in vain. I whispered, "Will I ever have guidance and be successful?" The second I said that, I dreamed.

I was on a canoe with approx. 10 other people. The canoe started to sink and everyone jumped into the water and swam to a nearest island. I was the only person remaining on the canoe because I can't swim. People starting throwing floating devices in the water, but I was too afraid that the floating devices would not save me. I past the island where all the people were waiting, and held on to the tip of the canoe. The tip of the canoe lead me to a different island where I saw a tall brown castle/house with the name Gabriel. I stayed on that island, staring at the name Gabriel.


The next morning I woke up and asked google my professor, who is this Gabriel. Gabriel is an archangels who plays an important role in several religion, angel of communication and the arts. She assists us in following our life's path and souls calling.

what what what

I was speechless. I'm far from being a religious person, but I am a spiritual being. Immediately I knew what I had to do. Stop comparing and just do me. I need to start listening to myself. Really stay quiet and just listen. I was stepping in my own way and created this block because I didn't believe in myself and started drawing things that I think people would like and understand. So from now on, I'm going to trust myself and start sketching whatever comes out. I'm not ready to paint (haven't found a studio yet), but my vision is back to 20/10. I'm even thinking of blogging about art pieces that are close to me. I stopped caring if people like my artwork or not, nor do I care if it's misunderstood. When the time is right, I will be that humble artist that caused a commotion at a exhibition, the one who inspired someone to dream again, the one who made young girls recognize their worth and true beauty.

In the meantime, I'll remain silent and just trust...