"Be an Outcast"

Since I'm on an "Imma Be" me streak, allow me to explain the stories with these 4 drawings.



"Afro Disqo"

I really love this one because it just came at of nowhere. I sat outside under the sun with my sketchpad, pencil, charcoal, oil pastel, and escaped for an hour. I love afros, LOVE EM. I called it "Afro Disqo" because Afros remind me of disco balls.  I drew this out of admiration for Afros. C'est tout. I loved it so much that I decided to show it to two of my friends. big mistake. These two friends started designing plans for me saying I should join in on a business plan with them to sell t-shirts and paintings, the other asked me what I was planning on doing with my talent. I said I want to move to a more artsy city in order meet other artists and grow.
-"Oh no you shouldn't move. umm umm. You could be the exceptional artist from Boston and turn this place around."

One of them asked me to draw a painting for him. The other said no she's my business partner now so everything should be discussed through me.

TESTING testing I'm still here

So these two friends envisioned a plan for me and I started thinking deeply about what they were saying and became utterly confused.
-"So T you're gonna draw something for me so I could put in my office?"
-"Yea sure whatever..."

I came up with "Divizyon" which means division.

I drew something I thought he would like, and didn't realize that my subconscious was telling me that I was dividing myself by allowing people to guide me...

He didn't like it.

I was in my puerile state of mind wanting to impress a customer? and quickly said okay I'll draw another one. This time I came up with "Fenix" but now I realize it should be called "introspection/wake up" because at that time, I didn't have enough ovaries to make decisions of my own, missed the red flags screaming "Stop doing things for people", and wasn't exercising my rights to free will.

He still didn't like it and this time I took in personally and said fuck it.









Another friend came along asked me to draw something for her and I came up with "Ble" Blue. mmmmmmmmmm

She didn't like it. I took it personally again and this was the last painting I drew before my block.

Whatever I was putting down on paper, were really messages I was receiving from my soul. I wasn't being my self anymore and made the mistake of listening to others and getting caught up. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm not putting any blames on anyone but myself. I can only take responsibility for how I let friends and others influence me...

If you had asked a few months ago, what were the inspiration behind these pieces, I wouldn't know. But now that I'm focused on what I want to accomplish, everything is making sense again.

I share these personal stories because I know everyone can relate. Everyone has a special talent. Whatever it is we all have purposes. Some choose to make a living out of their gifts/talents, others don't; which is all okay. As long as your decisions are your own. As for me, my art is my own personal experience. My story. I made the mistake of caring what people thought of them and tried to be "in". I've never studied art so how the hell would I even know the inside of the art world. I can only share what I feel and see, nothing more.

So the best advice that I can give, is to stop listening to what people, be still, and listen to yourself. We're all trying to figuring out this thing called life.

Just.
do.
you.

Don't let people tell you what you ought to be doing because only you know thyself. And if you don't know yourself, then start getting to know who you are...




free-forming in spirit 

Queen Badu

Miseducation of Lauryn Hill and [Me]

My world it moves so fast today
The past it seems so far away
And I squeeze it so tight, I can't breathe
And every time I try to be
What someone has thought of me
So caught up, I wasn't able to achieve
But deep in my heart the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to find my own destiny
I look at my environment                                                                 
And wonder where the fire went
What happened to everything we used to be
I hear so many cry for help
Searching outside of themselves
Now I know His strength is within me
And deep in my heart the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to find my own destiny
And deep in my heart the answer it was in me
And I made up my mind to find my own destiny

~Lauryn Hill *the genius* 

I’m the master of me and my own voice

I may perhaps be the most indecisive, wavering individual, who's landed on Earth. I challenge myself and sometimes others whenever I have the delightful chance. One of my personal goals for this year, was to find the root of my oscillating, capricious nature and I did. At first, I settled with the thought that my astrology was the cause. "Capricorn comes from capricious so guess that's why I can never make up my mind". Umph. Yeah. Right. I was proven wrong when I met several other Capricorns who do not describe themselves as moody and indecisive and yes I am ridiculous for even refering to my astrology to explain Me.

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about things I want to accomplish in 2010, one being to start producing art again, and upgrading to using canvases and paintbrushes. I've been using charcoal and oil pastel for so long and figured that if I want to take my art seriously, I should use more marketable and rich mediums. I have all the new materials collecting dust in the basement, because I'm not inspired. 
Yup
Artist.
Block. 
I blogged about my "artist block" many times and like I said earlier, I finally found the root to my indecisiveness and "block". I was never listening to my own voice and let other people's opinions steer me on the path that they sought out for me. Let me give y'all some background info.

Art has always been a hobby to me. It's just my way of putting my thoughts on paper and releasing emotions. I've been drawing at the age of 4, and it always made me happy and feel aligned and connected to beautiful thangs, especially music. My senior year of High School, my art teacher asked me what I was going to study in college, and at that time I had no clue. I was simply going to college because that's what I was told to do. He said to me, "Well listen. I think you're extremely talented and you have a lot of potential to be a great artist. Now, don't think I'm telling you what to do, but your purpose may just be in the art industry. Just always remember that art is a powerful tool." Honestly, I thought he was high and didn't pay any attention to what he said, but I kept his statement in mind.
After graduating from High School, I didn't draw for 2 years straight and felt lost and confused. Junior year of college, I decided to take a drawing class just for fun, and felt aligned again. I hung up all my drawings on my dorm wall and my friends were wowed because they never knew that I loved drawing. Some suggested I put them on facebook. I did. Some asked me to draw portraits of them. I did and never accepted money from those who offered. Little did I know, that I was the beginning where I started doing things for the sake of other people.
After college, friends and family members who felt like I could do something with my talent, pressured, yes pressured, me into selling my artwork. "Tarra you could make T-shirts, sell them online, you could be big man. You could help Haiti. People like art. Just do it man. Get your Masters in Arts.You can be rich and gain fame..."  blah blah blah blah blah. So I starting doing a little something that I thought was thinking, and followed people's suggestions. With no plan, message, or distinct style, I posted my work on different websites for sale, had a zazzle account, made business cards, and created a facebook fan page name Lu'maYna. After I did all of this, I couldn't draw anymore because I lost myself in the process. Nothing made sense anymore and I became morbidly indecisive because I was drawing things that I thought people would like to see.

My friends and family mean well. They really do. But only I understand and know my own tempo. I ignored my own voice and forgot that in order to get my thoughts together, I must follow a slow and steady pace. Where am I going with all of this?
Well, I'm deleting my imagekind, carbonmade, artbreak, and facebook fan page account. I'm not ready to expose myself and I know I have more potential than what is seen.
It's personal. 
I'm no longer letting people rent space in my mind and control my actions.

I create art because I like to share my thoughts. Art helps me breath better. If I don't master my own voice and purpose, I'll forever be mediocre and complacent. When I'm ready, transformed, and internally aligned, I will be back with my own website, new fan page (T'arr.a Lu), and more mature material. In the meantime, I'll continue blogging on my process and prepare myself for bigger exposure in a new city, (Chicago or NYC), and taking more chances. 

Yes. 
Art is that deep.
and
I take my shit seriously.


For those who support me, thank you. My blog will stay intact and I will continue documenting my growth as an artist...

 For those who think I'm making a huge mistake...

well

Deuces

Poem of the Day -Let There Be Light

 Let there be Light

I believe Lucifer was 

a homesexual;

in Love with God

touched Him

in such ways that

displeased,

but

weren't

displeasing to Him.

And He was moved. Approximately

1 centimeter to the

left. "And on the third day,

there was Light."

II. Lucifer created the sun,

sun,

sun, sang and sung the sun,

and God

rejected him.

and the sun. His rays,

those rays,

sun's rays

are rejections,

God's hidden lies;

that's why

it hurts to look at them

and,

if you stare at them too long, you'll

go blind. Which is

where

most love is found, anyways.

-Stephanie Ambroise aka EmpathicAya

Chicago oh I Love you!

So I visited Chicago with a friend last weekend and I had a wonderful time. Chicago is everything that I want in a city minus the false advertisement about having great pizza! We tried at least 5 pizzas from different spots and nada. Nothing made us say wow. Sorry to say this but even Boston has better pizzas. Aside from that, I would love to move to Chicago, especially to Wicker Park. I've met some artists there and they've inspired me to continue doing art but I was also told "keep your day job" lol.

 

My favorite building

  

  

Isn't this statement powerful? 

  

Fierce sista resting at the SAIC museum

  

  

We met up with an old college friend

  

  

Now, I'm not a fan of popcorn but damn they have some good popcorn here

  

Sardine doors

  

  

  

Wicker Park. Place for people with shoe fetishes...

 

It was a great time

 

We ended our experience in Chicago with a fabulous drag queen show

7 months locing

Whoop there it is! 7 months locing update. You know, I'm less erratic about my hair now. I re-twist every 3 or 4 weeks and I keep a simple hair maintenance routine where I only use Vitamin E oil with water as my conditioner/moisturizer, and tea tree shampoo. I still use Aloe vera gel to re-twist. I also brush my hair now.

My hair is getting more fuller and thicker now as you can see...

So I ran out of Aloe Vera gel and really needed to get my hair did and too lazy to go out to buy some more. So I had some creme wax lying around and said "ahhhh what the heck".

Ummm like ewwwww. Big mistake. Using creme wax makes my hair look lifeless and stife. Also big ALSO, it gives me dandruff, itchy scalp, and makes my hair smell terrible. I trashed that sh it...
Big NO NO to creme wax and anything with mineral oil and petroleum...

Ok so this lady loc sticking up in the picture below, is 'Souljah Gal'. Let me tell you something about her. She's always there to remind me to stand up for my rights. Whenever I'm in a stressful situation and afraid to speak up, she sticks up saying "Yo T! You know what time it is...you better say something!". I love her...

  

I used to call the loc in the center 'bashful', because she tucks in for some reason. I think she's getting out of her shell though...

  

This one is 'forest gump'. Let me tell you, she used to be all weird looking. Scraggily and her body tried to catch up with her. I even thought she was going to fall off one day because she had a bizarre shape. I wish I had a before pic to show y'all what I mean, but now she's evolving and getting more solid and unified...

  

I know that I may sound oh so strange, but yes I name some of my locs. They each express their individuality and have personalities of their own. Only loc wearers may understand what I mean...Any hoo, I know it's only been 7 months but I love my hair. As my hair evolves, I'm realizing that I am my hair. They go through similar moods and they're everything that I am, and emulates the stages that I've been through in life. Yes, I used to be 'forest gump', 'bashful', 'Ms. Magnetik', and 'why me' (that's why they reside in the back row), 'irie', 'cheerful', 'sunshine', and 'Souljah gal' are in the front row and are the characters that I am now becoming. Speaking my mind in a respectful way of course, and standing up for myself. I know some readers are saying "girl please, it's just hair" but I believe it's much deeper than that with locs...

 

Fabulous quote

"He said he’d give her the world,
She said she had her own"

When "I do" becomes, I wish I didn't

"When 'I do' becomes, I wish I didn't" was one of the posters I saw in one of Chicago's train. It was an advertisement from a divorce law office, looking to help those in a long, pricey, and draining process. I nudged my friend and pointed to the poster, and we both laughed. We didn't laugh because of the cleverness of the ad nor were we laughing at the comic figures of the groom and bride with paper bags covering their heads. We laughed because the subject matter: marriage, was a recurring topic for the weekend.

"So when do you plan on getting married?" my old college friend asked my friend and me while sipping on martinis in a small cozy bar in Chicago. My friend replied that she doesn't believe in marriage and that its only a paper, while I explained, "I myself don't believe in marriage, but I will only marry someone if I plan of having children with them." It's the current thought that's been streaming in my mind during my quarter-life crisis stage. Personally, I say I would want a husband and not a baby-daddy, for fear of having my probable future child to experience the negativity that I myself experienced from growing up in a single parent household, but also because of fear of dealing with the gossips and lack of respect from my family and perhaps friends.
So what is the real reason behind marriage?      

Is it love?
what if love fades away?
Is it religion?
Is it for the tax break?
I heard those were lovely...
Is it for financial security?
A++
Legal benefits?
green card? Is it for the social acceptance?
Can I get a witness for my life!Is it to avoid loneliness and have a sense of belongingness?
guiltless Sex?
Happiness?
How often to you find happily married couples?
Obligation to their family?


Or is it because people assume that marriage equals commitment and never realizes that it's not guaranteed.
Or is it because they don't know that commitment can exist without being married and the reverse rarely works.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against marriage, and power to the people who knows how to make one work (I truly admire you) but with the sky rocket divorce rate, I want to know what's the motive behind marriage for some. As I mentioned before, if anyone ever hears that I got married, it's because I love that person enough to want to bear children with him and see him as a good male figure. But my honest true motive is because, even if marriage does not work between me and that guy, it makes me feel secure enough to remind that guy their duties of being a father and working together as parents despite our differences. However, couldn't that still happen even if we were never married with children?
So maybe I want to live my fantasy dream of having a complete family through my probable future children and would marry for the wrong reason. Nothing is guaranteed, so should I leave all my expectations behind, or am I right for calculating my reasons to get married for my probable future children?

As I'm getting older and surrounded by friends my age who are tying the knot, I want to be able to know if I have the right idea about marriage. Since I was 14, I've always said I don't believe in marriage simple because I've witness people make a mockery out of their vows. It always seemed to me that some people assumed that marriage holds hands with happiness. Obviously that's not always accurate. I also see unhappy couples stay together for their children sakes, and live a long miserable life. What scares me the most, are the women who remains in an abusive marriage because they don't believe in divorce and so on and so forth.

Now I wonder, is marriage still a relevant custom in today's society?

Tightrope-Janelle Monae ft. Big Boi

Click on the title to hear the song. Her artistry is amazing in this song and that's why I'll always be a fan.

He Says

He says that I’m beautiful

But it’s deeper than brothers                                        

Honkin horns

blowin kisses

Buyin drinks

He says my beauty can be seen even better with his eyes closed

And

Every now and then

he swears he can touch my beauty but he says

He’s not worthy and he’s glad I can’t see that

He says he likes my style

Feminine with a little rugged

Just enough lady mixed with ghetto chic and urban funk

He says I’m powerful with poetry

The way I use ordinary words and make them sing

He hums my songs

He says he knows me

Favorite number-4

Favorite color-black

Favorite juice-peach

Favorite style-free

He says he loves the way I make love

With my whole self

Imploring, no, demanding he do the same

He says that I constantly make myself new and better

he loves that quality

an I do think that maybe one day possibly

I could spend my life with him

He says he loves me

I say I’m just lucky and I’m glad

he can’t see that

-Jill Scott

Morning Bird-Sade

Morning Bird

How could you

you are the river

out of this life

how could you

you are the morning bird

who sang me into life

everyday fly away

you are the blood of me

the harvest of my dreams

there's no way i can find peace

and the silence wont cease

won't let me be

if you set me free

i will not run

i will not run

i will not run

~Sade 



Unbelievable song. Favorite one so far...

Nneka

This woman speaks to my soul...   

Alvin Ailey

I adore this picture!

 

  

Unreal

Models are from Alvin-Ailey American Dance Theater


Dancers are performing in Boston this year. Praise the Lord! Finally, I'll be able to say I've lived... once I see the genius of Alvin Ailey with my eyes

Michael Jackson an illustrator?

Artwork by Michael Jackson

Yes The Michael Jackson...

I'm speechless.
Apparently this news been circulating around for awhile now, but I had to bless my blog with his incredibleness
This man was just pure Dopeness...

The Return of the Ankh

"I called it 'Part II: The Return of the Ankh' because this album is the sister of the left side of my brain -- it is the right side.'Part I was the left side of my thoughts -- it was more socially political and my thought process was more analytical. This time there wasn't anything to be concerned with -- the album is more emotional and flowy and talks about feelings. It reminds of the days of 'Baduizm' -- this is just about beats and rhymes in a cipher."
—Erykah Badu

New Amerykah Part dos (Return of the Ankh) Album drops March 30th, 2010!
 

1. 20 Feet Tall  [produced by Erykah Badu and 9th Wonder]
2. Window Seat  [produced by Erykah Badu and James Poyser, featuring ?uestlove]
3. Agitation  [produced by Erykah Badu and Shafiq Husayn of SA-RA Creative Partners]
4. Get Money  [produced by Erykah Badu]
5. Don't Be Long  [produced by Erykah Badu and Taarak]
6. Love  [produced by Erykah Badu and J Dilla]
7. Umm Hmm  [produced by Erykah Badu and Madlib]
8. Fall in Love  [produced by Erykah Badu and Karriem Riggins]
9. Incense (Instrumental)  [produced by Erykah Badu and Madlib]
10. Out My Mind Just in Time (Part 1) (Undercover Over-Lover)  [produced by Erykah Badu]
11. Out My Mind Just in Time (Part 2)  [produced by Erykah Badu and Georgia Anne Muldrow]
12. Jump in the Air  [ft. Lil Wayne and Bilal] [produced by Erykah Badu, RC Williams and Jahborn]

Haiti: The devastation began in 1492

Haiti: The devastation began in 1492

View more presentations from apscuhuru.

"They Survived Slavery, They Will Survive This"

By Russell Simmons


At this time, two and a half weeks ago, the earth opened up its deep crevasses and let out a large yell that knocked down the people of Haiti. The devastation and destruction of Port Au Prince and its surrounding areas was heartbreaking, heart wrenching and at times, almost unbearable to even look at. The sadness in the faces that appeared on television and in the newspapers touched me to the deepest of my core. I humbly did everything in my power to help and will continue to support the Haitian people in all of my capacity. While the earthquake might have knocked down these beautiful people, with history at their back, I know they will rise again.

Since the slaves of Haiti rebelled triumphantly against their French occupiers in 1804, becoming the first free black republic in the world, Haiti has since been the subject of harsh policies, U.S. military occupation (1915-1934) and a pawn in the cold war. After Haiti’s liberation, for sixty-two years America refused to recognize Haiti and then organized an embargo and blockade against them. Later, the United States along with France threatened to re-invade Haiti unless they paid France 150 million francs in gold as reparations for defeating the French, which took until the mid 1940s to pay. Just to put it in perspective, 150 million francs in gold in 1804 is equivalent to approx $1 trillion US dollars today. This began a long history of Haiti being in debt to the world.

Our relationship with Haiti dates back hundreds of years, where Haiti even sent 900 soldiers to Savannah, Georgia to aid America in its war against England for our independence. Not only did they help us gain our independence, their rebellion against the French helped us obtain the Louisiana Territory, which makes up one-third of the United States. However, once Haiti liberated itself from the French, our relationship with Haiti changed dramatically. Although we recognized Haiti as a free nation in 1862, it was largely because President Lincoln wanted to have Haiti as a place for the Africans in America to go to. Later the US government, according to many historians, was complicit in the rise of the brutal dictatorships of Francios Duvalier and his son Jean Claude with their secret police, the Tonton Macoutes, which many believe was done because of fear that the USSR would try to bring communism to the island like they had done in Cuba. Although this never happened, the connection between the United States and Haiti has been forever intertwined, and has only gotten more complicated and more one-sided as time went on.

The Haitian people were the first to be free of slavery, but they have been paying a price ever since. As the United Nations Goodwill Ambassador for the Permanent Memorial to the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic Slave Trade, I feel it is important to address the lingering effects of slavery that the Haitian people have endured. We, as a nation, have drained this beautiful island, but now we have the chance to repair the past. Although throughout our history, our government has at times made horrible choices, in the end, it is the people of our great country that can stand up and inspire the world once again. We have the chance to help re-build this country as a model for the 21st century, full of innovation and sustainable technology that is healthy for their and our environment. The wealth of giving that has out poured from our nation to theirs’ since this horrendous tragedy is the right beginning, but let us not stop there. Let’s continue to exude the love that is in the hearts of all decent Americans. It is this love that makes us great givers, as we know those who are in need the most, need not ask for any help. The ability to give is the greatest gift we have from god, so let us give all that we have, and smile when the people of Haiti rise again.

-Russell Simmons
United Nations Goodwill Ambassador for the Permanent Memorial to the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic Slave Trade
Founder, GlobalGrind.com

Brachetto on V-Day=Panties Dropper

So last night a friend of mine called me and asked if I wanted to join her on this fabulous adventure of learning le basics du wine tasting. Of course I said yes...who would turn down getting buzzed after a long day at work and going home "nice" on a 45 mins train ride??? Pas moi!  Anyhoot, we arrived in the basement of a winery, looked around and saw couples EVERYWHERE. The airhead que je suis said, "aww how nice, couples spending time together... by the way, why are there naked women on the wine bottles?" My friend who recently broke up with her long term beau looked at me and said

-"Hello??? Valentine's Day...duh".

-"Ooooh right!" I said giggling and thinking about if these wine can really make panties drop.

My friend on the other hand, realized it would be her first year being alone, (in her words lonely) for Vday and wondered if she should get back with her ex while downing her wine as if she's been traveling through the desert for ages and finally found water in a dry creek bed.

Oh boi

So what is it about Valentines Day (is it even capitalized)?

It's that holiday that makes taken girls brag, talk about how their lover is preparing a surprise for them, whereas it is a reminder for single gals that they are single and leave few of them sulking.

Well in my case, I never really celebrated valentines day. Not because I didn't or never had a boyfriend, but because of unusual circumstances...maybe

The first boyfriend I had, didn't care to show me any appreciation during Vday and when a secret admirer slipped a box of chocolate under my dorm door, the bf was super POed and was damn not to find the basterd who had the audacity to give his girl chocolate on Vday, while I stood there giggling and hoping that I'd find chocolate caramel in the box.

Shows you what type of relationships I've had...

The year after that, I was single, and this lonely pretty boy asked me to be his valentines. I rejected spending time with him and chose to hang out with my single girls. He found that quite odd.

Last year, I had a glimpse of what Vday was all about, was wooed at the moment, but looking back, I regret every minute of it and wish I continued my regular routine of eating chocolate from secret admirers and hanging out with the girlies.

Why you may ask.

Well because valentines day is just a regular day to me. I love chocolate and flowers on any day and love hanging out with my friends.

*Kanye shrug*

Not to say that I would not celebrate Vday even if I had a companion, but for me personally, I would hope that person would treat me special everyday. 

Especially on random days...

 My friend found it bizarre that I wasn't worried or annoyed by the fact that I'd be alone this Vday. After wine tasting, we took the train back home and she asked me, "Don't you want a boyfriend now?". The answer was Hell to the No. She gasped and shouted "OMG you're so jaded!". I said "Quoi? I just love being alone". And that's the truth y'all. Call me a cynic or a misandrist, but I'm really comfortable with being alone on any given day. Don't get me wrong, I'm very social, but if no one is around, it won't bother me, especially on valentines day. Solitude is the bane of others but it is the balm for me on any day. So this V-Day, I'll be visiting Chicago with another friend who also believes it's just a regular day, and will continuing enjoying life.

*smiles*

P.S. For people who celebrate Valentine's Day, Brachetto wine is le panties dropper...

Soldier of Love~Sade